Hell, joking is one of the ways I make my money. Not in the steal-your-babies kind of way, either. Are you aware that an entire festival exists, devoted entirely to us? Thousands upon thousands of gingers flock to one area in the Netherlands and plot your demise. Also, it happens every year. And the numbers grows and grows each time.
Redheadday is scheduled to take place in September, with several thousand projected attendees. The Mayan calendar says the world will end in December. The stereotype is a nice one: Another case in point? Lindsay Lohan was once a redhead, and was universally deemed to be absolutely smoking hot. She goes blonde, and magically turns into a crack-addled psychopath who looks about 30 years older than she really is. She is not yet actually 30, by the way. So the sexy redhead thing is true, you ask?
The more that you guys realize this, the more our girls can seep into your bedrooms and latch onto your men like blood-sucking parasites. Us ginger guys usually get the crap end of the stick here. While ginger girls are hot, gingers guys are Alfred E. Newman from MAD Magazine: Blondes have more fun? Our backs are kind of against the wall in a couple respects. We must procreate, we must spread the seed, we must live on! And if that means enslaving all of you, and working extra hard to make more of us, then so be it.
So consider this your warning: So you want to rumble? Tired of us enslaving your people and taking your lovers for our own? Extensive scientific research has shown redheads are actually much harder to knock out than people who can actually tan. This applies in all cases: I can attest to this based on personal experience. When I was six years old, I went in for surgery, and distinctly remember waking up in the middle of the operation. Oh, they put me back down real fast.
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But I distinctly remember those few seconds of being on the operating table, aware of what they were doing to me and my supple little body, and being less-than-thrilled about it. Why Even Doctors Fear Us. Hair dye, of all colors, is popular, but there just seems to be something about taking a bucket of red paint and dunking your head in it that positively tickles the imagination of so many.
Gotta find out how the other half lives. This hair-dye thing applies to both men and women by the way. You mainly see fake redheaded women, but dudes get into the act as well. The more people who get corrupted by their desire to be just like a real-live ginger, then the easier it becomes for us to attain our ultimate goal.
Ginger men are better in bed for THREE key reasons – proven by science | Daily Star
Yes, we do have souls. And why in the name of Hell would you listen to Cartman, of all people? I mean the people who turn their noses up at the very idea of a ginger child.
The guys who write South Park and tell the jokes, they get it. They know Cartman is satire. They will be spared, unless of course they insist on making a sequel to BASEketball. Then all bets are off.
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This might initially seem like a random, moot point. Yes, yes I am. Icecaps are melting, and the ozone layer is still thinning out. Go to your local Wal-Mart and find the sunscreen?
Three reasons ginger men are better in bed – according to science
See those bottles of SPF ? Who needs that much protection? Not that we care. And when the Earth inches ever-so-closer to burning up, like a steak left far too long on the grill, you might well show up at the gates of Redheadday, on your knees, begging us for a slather of sweet, sweet, sun protection. And we just might give it to you. Jason Iannone is a writer, editor, and would love to branch out into the Seth Green Impersonator business as well. Like him on Facebook , follow him on Twitter , and send him all your sunscreen.
He taught in Japan for about a year and he said every day on the train ride to and from work he would be submersed in a sea of shorter straight black haired people which he stuck out like a soar you know what in. Not that I like being made fun of, but most of that stuff I got was back when I was in elementary, middle, and high school, and if anything, I prefer to spread a more peaceful message as opposed to a more vengeful perspective.
I regret to inform you that you will not be used an a breeder when we gingers enslave all of mankind.
Have a nice day! Not mentioned was a supposedly scientific fact that redheaded women feel pain more than blondes or brunettes. Might be a disadvantage when involved in a catfight for dominance. Frankly I hope the redheads get their takeover. Zombies such as I prefer redheads.
Top 10 Reasons Gingers Are Your Worst Nightmare
If anything they seem to be the ones with the disadvantage. Seems like it was on a documentary and even on a list somewhere, but my deteriorating brain cannot recall. Most have been true sweethearts. Here is something from Mythbusters: How on Earth could I have forgotten anything with Kari Byron!? Thanks for jogging my peanut! I remember the episode now.
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Apparently some punk ass brats at school told him his hair was evil and weird. Poor little angel doesnt understand and it breaks my heart. Whether they're single or in a committed relationship, redheads are more sexually active than all the other hair colours. The genes responsible for red hair also makes them more sensitive to touch, than men and women with other hair colours. People with ginger hair feel hot and cold temperatures more rapidly and have a higher pain threshold.
Low vitamin D levels have also been previously linked with diabetes, asthma and arthritis. Redheads are less susceptible to certain pain.